Depression. How to break out of a black hole PART I
Depression is like a lady in black. If she came, do not drive her away, and invite to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say.
Carl Gustav Jung
Best day of my life
Probably, it would be easier to throw out at once these two huge plastic bags stuffed to the eyeballs with all kinds of psychotropic drugs available in the post-Soviet space. But it was a special pleasure for me to get one multi-colored boxes, each of which meant a certain milestone, a stage in my six-year struggle with depression, to carefully consider them, to cause associated memories and ruthlessly send them to the trash, along with all the pain, fear, suffering that they meant to me.
“Prozac”, Cromwell Hospital, London, obese doctor with unhealthy shortness of breath, first told me “you are depressed“; “Remeron”, ajibedam hospital, Istanbul, $ 800, spent on meaningless tests; “Lerivon”, Moscow, 10 kilograms of excess weight, gained over three months…
Six years. Erased from life, from the most active period of my life, six years of unrealized opportunities, rejected career proposals, ruined personal life, hopeless vegetations.
I deserve this day. Definitely deserved it.
My name is Anar, I am a doctor, I am 38 years old.
The last 6 of them were stolen by depression.
I have suffered from depressive disorder, generalized anxiety and panic attacks since August 2002. At the peak of the disease, I took three types of antidepressants at the same time, visited a psychotherapist, engaged in various practices from the field of alternative medicine. Despite this, most of every day I spent in a depressed state, panic attacks happened 3-4 times a day, I shuddered from every phone call and appeal to me by name.
At some point I decided to accept it. I decided that I was destined to spend the rest of my days on antidepressants, which though I did not feel good, but which at least gave me the strength to get up every morning from bed and go to work, somehow communicate with the people around me, to perform their social functions.
In the end, it stopped working. I lost my job, my personal life was ruined, I didn’t see any sense in my future existence.
But six months ago, the situation began to change. Now in my life everything is different, I do not take antidepressants, do not feel anxiety and panic attacks, most of the day I am in a calm and positive state. I have a new job that gives me satisfaction, and a girl with whom I plan to connect my life and which is better for me there is no one in this world.
Not so much, you say?
Well, really, a lot of people around you have the same thing and don’t write books about it.
But if you are reading this book, perhaps your life is not so rosy. As a doctor, I have encountered depressive patients in my practice, some of them reached such a stage that they saw no other way out for themselves than suicide.
Then I still did not suffer from depression myself and I can responsibly say: never a person who has not been in this skin, will not understand that he is experiencing a depressed patient, for whom there is no greater happiness, a greater dream than to return to his pre-painful state, to live a normal life, to love and be loved, to enjoy the little joys that healthy people are so familiar that they do not cause any emotions.
So what happened six months ago?
There was no miracle, I did not find a wonderful pill that cured me, did not read any book that recommends “change your attitude to depression” and “think positively“, after which all my problems were resolved.
There are no miracles. There will be no them and in your case-to get rid of depression, it is necessary to work. But my example shows that the reward for work can be huge if you know exactly what to do. It took me 6 years to figure it out, you can get this knowledge in a few hours spent reading this book.
As a doctor, I was well aware of the underlying mechanism of depression, but as a patient, I could not find an effective solution that would stop this ruthless mechanism.
Now I know how to do it. I spent 6 years and over $ 50,000 on medication, psychotherapy, and various spiritual practices. Everything I know, including the only effective way out of depression that I know, I have summarized in a book that I have the honor to offer to your attention.
Just remember that reading the book will not cure you, the technique will have to practice. It is not difficult, does not take much time, and the effect you will feel after the first successful session. Each time it will increase, and, I assure you, the classes will not only not burden you, but, on the contrary, once you feel the effect, you will strive for them with impatience.
The basis of my methodology is based on the theory of primal therapy, Dr. Arthur Janov and methods of neuro-linguistic programming, originally developed by John Grinder and Richard Bandler.
I underwent three weeks of intensive therapy at the primary center in Los Angeles in January 2009, and this experience changed my whole life. I finally figured out how to get to the forgotten childhood memories and the repressed pain they continue to cause us.
It remained to find a method to work with psychological trauma from the present and recent past. This proved to be easier, NLP methods in this regard have shown themselves to be very effective.
To understand why a combination of these methods has had the best effect, you need to be aware of the causes of depression. Any doctor will tell you that the basis of depression is a violation of the normal course of biochemical processes in the brain and the associated metabolic disorders of neurotransmitters – serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine.
But that’s not what I mean.
Every depression has a reason. Sometimes it can lie on the surface and be realized by the individual, sometimes its causes are buried in childhood injuries and experiences. But most often, even almost always, there is a combination of these two factors, stress in the present causes pain from the past to life. You can read more about this in the Chapter “Causes of depression“.
Dr. Yanov had been in therapy at the time, many celebrities, including Elizabeth Taylor and Barbra Streisand. But his most famous patient was of course John Lennon. Below you can read the memoirs of Dr. Janov about John’s therapy, with which he shared in an interview with the magazine “Mojo”.
In my opinion, Dr. Yanov managed to get to the root of the problem. Primary therapy allows you to reach and throw out suppressed emotions that cause nervous disorders. This is very important, but not always enough. To get rid of depression, you also need to work through traumatic situations that are already in your mind, are recognized by you, but still continue to torment you.
I’m not going to teach you Primary therapy, you have to go to Los Angeles and get it at the Primary center. In this book I describe my experience, undoubtedly positive, and the method that I had to come up with to be able to continue to work with his subconscious to stop the three-week intensive at the Center.
Primary therapy, like any other, is long-term. It does not stop after the first three weeks, and it is quite justified: it is impossible to work out all the unconscious material in such a short time. But I had to interrupt my treatment at the Center, I could not continue to stay in Los Angeles, besides, having lost my job, I already in any case had nothing to pay for the continuation of therapy.
Fortunately, I now have the opportunity to practice my method at home, and I’m ready to share it with you. You will learn how to relive long-suppressed feelings, how to get rid of the pain that has accumulated in your mind for decades, how to get rid of daily stress and work out traumatic memories from the recent past.
I also described in detail my experience of medication and psychotherapy, as well as the experience of various spiritual practices. Some methods worked for me, some didn’t. After reading this book, you will learn how not to make my mistakes and not to waste time and money on useless techniques, learn about the side effects caused by various antidepressants, the exact, and not always harmless, the mechanism of their work.
Here's a partial list of what I've had to try in the last 6 years:
Antidepressants and other medications:
Prozac, Zoloft, Amitriptyline, Lerivon, Remeron, Venlafaxine, Desyrel, Wellbutrin, Paxil, Xanax, Diazepam.
Psychotherapy and body-oriented therapy:
Interpersonal therapy, psychoanalysis, cognitive-behavioral therapy, primary therapy, Rolfing.
Spiritual and meditative practices:
Self-hypnosis, qigong, Scientology, transcendental therapy, holotropic breathing, psychoanalysis, sleep deprivation.
I do not urge you to stop your current treatment, my method is compatible with medication and psychotherapy. There is a high risk of premature and abrupt discontinuation of antidepressants, and they should be taken only under supervision and in consultation with the attending physician. But, practicing my method, you will feel that over time you will no longer need for other types of treatment.
I wrote this book from two points of view – the doctor and the patient. As a doctor, I will tell you about the causes of depression, the mechanism of action and indications for the use of various types of therapy. From me, as a patient, you will learn about the effectiveness of a particular method, side effects of drugs and, finally, that eventually helped me cope with my long-term disease.
I feel better now than I did before my illness. Simultaneous work with suppressed and conscious material gave results that I could not even hope six months ago. But I’m not going to stop there, it’s not enough for me to be just a healthy person in the ordinary sense of the word. Now I have a powerful tool at my disposal, using which I am going to completely clear my mind of the mental debris that has been building up in it for decades. My goal is to return and comprehend my personality, my true self, free from artificially constructed by me or anyone who has ever had an influence on me, psychological barriers, old complexes and beliefs.
Change your life and you. Do not settle for vegetating and suffering for the rest of your life. I know, I know very well that it’s hard for you to believe this right now, but life can really be beautiful and amazing, filled with happiness and meaning. This goal is worth fighting for.
Don't give up, get your life back!